As I make my transition this summer from the Student Ministries team to the Adult Ministries team at NMC, I thought I would take some time to share a few parting thoughts with the parents of the preteens and teens at NMC from my 10 years of experience in youth ministry at Nappanee Missionary Church...
There are two “ditches” I see parents often falling into…
Ditch #1 – Choosing to let the church raise your kids spiritually
In this ditch, you as a parent disengage more or less from your student’s spiritual life thinking that the church has it “covered.” You rarely engage your student in spiritual conversations. Yet, at the same time, you might be very engaged in many other areas of your student’s life. The result is that you communicate a mixed bag of messages to your children when it comes to priorities and faith. They hear you saying one thing but your actions and priorities say something completely different. And quite naturally, the areas of their lives that you are extremely engaged in become the ones that they will learn to value the most themselves. The resulting carnage is often a student left with nothing more than a “form of religion” upon graduation.
Ditch #2 – Choosing to encourage/allow your kids to have only minimal participation in church activities since you’re called as a parent to be the spiritual leader of your student and not the church.
In this ditch, you as a parent think that since you are suppose to be the primary spiritual leader of your student, that he/she only needs minimal connection and/or involvement in what the church has to offer to you and your student. I’ve seen this approach yield little in the way of harm in the preteen years. However, the older a student gets the more damage I see done to the spiritual development of a student. Many parents found in this ditch are left asking, “What happened? He was such a good boy. We didn’t see this coming.” I want to respond, “I did. I’ve seen it coming since Junior High.” The “going it alone” approach is never in the best interest of your student’s spiritual development. Students need to be in spiritual community with their peers and need to be around other adults who are modeling Christ.
In this ditch, you as a parent think that since you are suppose to be the primary spiritual leader of your student, that he/she only needs minimal connection and/or involvement in what the church has to offer to you and your student. I’ve seen this approach yield little in the way of harm in the preteen years. However, the older a student gets the more damage I see done to the spiritual development of a student. Many parents found in this ditch are left asking, “What happened? He was such a good boy. We didn’t see this coming.” I want to respond, “I did. I’ve seen it coming since Junior High.” The “going it alone” approach is never in the best interest of your student’s spiritual development. Students need to be in spiritual community with their peers and need to be around other adults who are modeling Christ.
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