Book Notes

Over the next few weeks, I'll be posting brief snippets from Randy Frazee's book, "Making Room for Life: Trading Chaotic Lifestyles for Connected Relationships." These will be brief thoughts from the book that I found particularly challenging and thought-provoking.

“There is a cycle of life and death, there is the cycle of the sunrise and sunset. But there is another very important circle of life that deals with relationships and community. It’s an axiom most Americans living in urban and suburban areas are completely unaware of and are violating to their detriment physically, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Let me explain. It’s not uncommon for a family of five to have thirty-plus different relationship groups to sustain. It doesn’t take Dr. Phil to conclude that this pattern of life creates stress and discontentment."

"Social specialists use a different language to say the same thing. They tell us that we need to exchange a host of linear contacts for a circle of community. For example, The American Institute of Stress physicians and sociologists tell us that it is possible to be in the company of others and still feel isolated. Why? Because many people have a large group of “friends,” but in reality most of them are mere acquaintances.” (45-46)

“In a linear relational model, you run from one relational unit to another. As you exit one world and enter another, there may be some mention of the people you just left behind, but essentially they are not connected to the present world in any meaningful way.” (47)

“The most damaging aspect of linear friendships is that no one really knows the really one. This can even include your mate, and he or she is often completely out of the loop on significant relationships you manage. I’d like to offer this thought: a person doesn’t really know you unless they know most of the people in your other circles. Why? Because the most important thing about you is your relationships you have – your relationship with God and your relationship with others. For community to be authentic and strong, people have to share in those relationships with you.” (47)

“Linear friendships have some merit, such as a greater degree of privacy, an ability to exit one relationship without seriously affecting the others, and less accountability. But the downside far outweighs the few temporary temptations and benefits. Two-thirds of all people who struggle with stress cite loneliness as their major problem, even though hundreds of people surround them each day…this is called crowded loneliness. In the end, the linear world leaves us isolated, misunderstood, exhausted, anxious and shallow.” (48)